Pica-Pica

I’ve been enjoying my summer so much that I already forgot what it is like to wake up by sunrise and enjoy the sweet aroma of carbon dioxide by the streets early in the morning. But what I really enjoyed most was being able to laze in my bed as i read books and novels that are worthy to be read.

One of my personal favorites is the Anthology of Mystery Stories compiled by Alfred Hitchcock. I bought that book from a bargain at a very affordable price. More or less than a hundred stories by renowned authors like Edgar Allan Poe were compiled. I really enjoyed reading the 3-inch thick hardbound for almost two weeks. I bet you’ll also enjoy it. Not the usual mushy pocketbook romance but mind-thrilling short stories that can really tickle your imagination. Not the usual mushy romance but the kind of story that can get you thinking. “A Well-Timed Plot”, “Cask of Amintillado” and “Child’s Play” are few of the murder and tragedy stories you’ll enjoy.

 The latest book i’ve read is “the five people you meet in heaven” by Mitch Albom. A heart-warming story that can get you stuck in your seat. The content doesn’t really explain what heaven really is if you wanna get factual! Hahaha! The author used the story to emphasize the deepest yearning of people to understand the purpose of their existence. The need for one to fully understand the sense of his life, how lives are intertwined with one another. One of the statements I’d really like to share is this “People often think of heaven as a paradise where one can laze on mountains and float on clouds. But scenery without solace is meaningless!”

I guess, there are still a lot of books i have to read and enjoy. My times running out. I guess that’s all for now! Happy Reading!!!!

Regrets come last! And now, i think i have one. Six years ago, i met him under the midday sun of Sept. 26,2001. And from that time, I knew i wanted him to stay. I wanted to call him MINE. I wanted him to want me the way i felt for him. Yes! He did but not the whole of him. After crying over spilled milk, the inevtibale happened. We have to part ways. After four years of waiting, he denied me, not once, but a number of times. And so, with a little pride left, I ventured to an another chapter. He’s my first and i think no one can ever win the place he had in me which started to blossom six years ago.

I did find another world. And in this world, I realized that relationships are a trial and error thing.  Fairy tales are not meant to last. Love stories end in tragedy. It’s a trial and error thing, they say and so I jump from one to another. Maybe, i’m just enjoying my ride, trying to find the perfect blend i can’t live without. Singlehood for months becomes impossible because i’m always on a look-out to a fresh start after an ending.

Relationship may start as a usual fling that cotinues to grow. Or it might be the other way around! Sweet nothings that ends with nothing sweet. But anyway, life goes on. My story goes on.

And now, i’m stuck in a commitment i didn’t plan. There are still doubts if it’s worth hanging on. We have our usual fights over insecurities. One thing i surely know, i can’t give him the whole of me like what i did before. A certain part of me was left to the one and only person i wanted so much years back.

But that person had come back again, now that i’m into someone else. He said that i should have waited longer for him. We had the same prayer before (forgive me for being mushy!! well, that was three years ago!!!). That he’ll want me the way i want him. and maybe, it came true in the right time.

Regrets are slowly creeping into me. Should i have waited longer for him? My Gahd!!! I’ve been waiting for years and now that i’m into someone else, he’s coming back filled with his own regrets -  that he took me for granted before.

now, we’ve settled to make our beautiful friendship work instead. There are still a lot of time for us. We have our own priorities to fulfill. He says he still has a lot to achieve for himself, a lot of expectations to cope up with. And i also have my own. Time will work out ways for us. Now, he’s giving me enough reasons to be strong. For without him, I’ll never be who I am now. Before, he was the storm that made me ran for shelter. Now, he’s my fortress that shields me from the storm.

He was there when i needed him. I was there when he needed me. In spite and despite of what hapened almost six years ago, no one can ever replace him in me, and I in him. I guess we both have our own share of lesson. Just wait and don’t give up!  

dancing in an intricate web of fantasies,,

i do nothing but to survive the world of the unknown..

unknown sorrow, the savage of pain..

when darkness enveloped the very sense of me..

i try to struggle free from the suffocating thoughts..

and bury them six feet under the ground…

and soon a butterfly will soon emerge..

a living glory of a rising phoenix..

with wings ready for flight..

priding itself in a high pedestal of power..

absolute reign over her destiny…